Carmine Fay

Aashi Dhaniya
3 min readJan 12, 2021


And if the snow could scream, it would.

“Run, Carmine.”

That voice was in my head, instructions from my own common sense. My feet fell heavy and hard on the damp foliage. I wanted to be swift. In my head, I commanded my muscles to obey but my body was betraying me. Not on purpose, I know. I’m a well-oiled machine that never fails, never misses its mark. Carmine Fay never misses a beat and here I am, on a goose-chase, steadily losing all motor-control, vision-blurring.

Somehow in my peripheral vision, the trees still whirred past. I was still in motion. There seemed to be a disconnect between my physical form and my own will, my own mind.

Of all the times I imagined myself biting the dust, disintegrating like a butterfly’s wings upon a hard touch never made the cut. This absurd unbecoming of years of being alive felt unreal. All those years of building a warrior’s body climaxing to this moment. The foolishness of the situation alone made my lip curl into a smile. As it did, I’m surprised to find I still have control over my facial muscles. Despite my affliction, the irony gets a chuckle out of me.

Perhaps, the gods are not pleased today. And there was going to be a day that even the mighty Carmine Fay would be taken down. I just never quite reckoned it’d be this animated. Or so soon, for that matter. I’m still young with all of my teeth still intact, there are a great many things I could still do with the strength in my arms.

I grimace at the lack of sensation in them at the moment.

There was always going to be a day that Carmine Fay would die. But goddamn it, why today. I suppose I’d never really be appeased no matter when the grim reaper decides to knock at my door. But not today, my mind commanded. Less of a prayer and more of a divine will, or perhaps the whisper came from outside of me and into my ears. I couldn’t quite recall because the next instance all I could really feel was the crisp of snowflakes dancing slowly towards the ground, they were in no hurry.

The chill of the winter hadn’t reached me it seemed, I felt hot. My entire body, untethered as it may be, felt burning hot. I was on fire and the heat made every snowflake that fell on my skin melt like summer had rolled around on a frozen town. The snow was screaming. It seemed like the world was coming to an end, or perhaps it was just my world. I felt that last bit of awareness slipping out of my clutches like morning dew I could never catch as a little girl. I remembered that frozen lake, I remember my own tiny hands, and I remembered my father smiling back at me. That was the day my mind chose to remember before the lights finally went out of my eyes.