And if the snow could scream, it would.
That voice was in my head, instructions from my own common sense. My feet fell heavy and hard on the damp foliage. I wanted to be swift. In my head, I commanded my muscles to obey but my body was betraying me. Not on purpose, I know. I’m a well-oiled machine that never fails, never misses its mark. Carmine Fay never misses a beat and here I am, on a goose-chase, steadily losing all motor-control, vision-blurring.
Somehow in my peripheral vision, the trees still whirred past. I was still in motion. There seemed to be a disconnect between my physical form and my own will, my own mind.
Of all the times I imagined myself biting the dust, disintegrating like a butterfly’s wings upon a hard touch never made the cut. This absurd unbecoming of years of being alive felt unreal. All those years of building a warrior’s body climaxing to this moment. The foolishness of the situation alone made my lip curl into a smile. As it did, I’m surprised to find I still have control over my facial muscles. Despite my affliction, the irony gets a chuckle out of me.
Perhaps, the gods are not pleased today. And there was going to be a day that even the mighty Carmine Fay would be taken down. I just never quite reckoned it’d be this animated. Or so soon, for that matter. I’m still young with all of my teeth still intact, there are a great many things I could still do with the strength in my arms.
I grimace at the lack of sensation in them at the moment.
There was always going to be a day that Carmine Fay would die. But goddamn it, why today. I suppose I’d never really be appeased no matter when the grim reaper decides to knock at my door. But not today, my mind commanded. Less of a prayer and more of a divine will, or perhaps the whisper came from outside of me and into my ears. I couldn’t quite recall because the next instance all I could really feel was the crisp of snowflakes dancing slowly towards the ground, they were in no hurry.
The chill of the winter hadn’t reached me it seemed, I felt hot. My entire body, untethered as it may be, felt burning hot. I was on fire and the heat made every snowflake that fell on my skin melt like summer had rolled around on a frozen town. The snow was screaming. It seemed like the world was coming to an end, or perhaps it was just my world. I felt that last bit of awareness slipping out of my clutches like morning dew I could never catch as a little girl. I remembered that frozen lake, I remember my own tiny hands, and I remembered my father smiling back at me. That was the day my mind chose to remember before the lights finally went out of my eyes.